What is self-love? What steps can I take to practice self-love? How can I build my self-love? What is the key to self-love?
February is the month for love, because Cupid picked it for St. Valentine’s Day (the 14th to be specific)!
* Que song… “Who do you love, are you for sure…” (song by LL Cool J with Total)
SelfLoveRainbow.com
When we think of love, we think of a deep emotional feeling for another person. Usually, it’s a feeling of external affection outside of ourselves. Very few times in an individual’s life does he/she realize this specific feeling for themselves.
Well, “love” by definition has many different meanings. All of which point to an assurance of affection, attraction, and admiration coupled with devotion, desires, and loyalty.
So, why is it that many of us are unable to recall the last time we felt this feeling for ourselves? Why has it become so hard for any one individual to experience this feeling for themselves on a consistent basis?
In short, we have been subconsciously conditioned to believe that self-love is in some way attached to conceitedness, especially those of us who share a certain ethnic background. Many individuals believe that self-love is selfish and lacks humility in the eyes of others. Therefore, it must be ignored or pushed aside for the betterment of the world. This rigid thought process has caused many individuals much confusion and heartache, not only in relationships, but internally, mentally.
For the record, being “conceited” is self-love on steroids (so to speak). Actual self-love is simply an individual’s ability to find balance in their love and confidence within themselves and their love and admiration for others!
The reality is that the lack of self-love and the understanding of it is what forces many individuals to believe that suicide is a better outlet. This lack is also attached to many individuals’ need to hop between ‘relationship' and 'situationships.’ There becomes a need to feed the ego and the heart, externally. This belief leads to extremely obvious self-destructive and self-sabotaging habits (… and I’m not talking about heavy drinking and drug usage, though those things are also included on even deeper levels).
If you’ve ever been “in love,” now is a good time to reflect on the habits you had with your first love versus the habits you may have today with your spouse or significant other. What are the differences in your feelings and actions? What are the similarities in your feelings and actions? What type of arguments were you starting then and now? How have you been able to resolve an argument over the years?
What defines love to you (in another’s words, actions, or both – in your words, actions, or both)? Do you hold yourself as accountable for what you say and do, as you do to another?
Now ask yourself, “why?” Why do I need… (fill in the blank)? Why do I want… (fill in the blank)?
Once your “why” is identified, you can pinpoint what makes you tick in love. This why will also help you to identify what has actually caused you to believe that self-love is impossible, or so hard to achieve in your life.
My Why: Growing up, I’ve always been told what was wrong with me, from my hair and my body, to my attitude (I was known as an “oreo” in my community, which is hard to fathom when you’re also consistently scolded about having a bad attitude). I wasn’t pretty enough. I wasn’t nice enough. I wasn’t shaped right. I was too proper. I was too skinny. I was too smart and I thought I was better than everybody. So, self-love was not an option for me, because I was always trying to figure out how to make others like me. What was I always doing and saying wrong? How could I fix what I was always doing and saying wrong?
TheMentalHealthCoalition.org
For self-love, I had to identify why I was so concerned with what others thought of me. Then, I had to learn how to accept who I am and work toward who I want to be. This starts by identifying and accepting the labels that others have stamped on your forehead, even if you do not agree with them.
In hindsight, nothing I could’ve done or said to certain individuals of my past would’ve changed their response to me, because they didn’t have the tools to identify what they were saying and doing to me in themselves. When we learn about deflection and how we use it in our day-to-day lives, we learn about ourselves and how we can better communicate with others.
Finding love in self is about breaking generational barriers and forgiving the “unforgivable.” This unforgivable can only be defined by you. What have you deemed as a deal-breaker in your life? Who have you cut off for unforgivable deeds done to you?
Those unforgivable deeds must be forgiven! This forgiveness does not have to be a public act or display. In fact, the best most humble forgiveness is practiced in private. It’s not even necessary to address the guilty individual(s), because perception may lead to disagreement, which may lead to an unnecessary argument.
It is important to preserve your peace of mind!
#1 - Forgiveness
HappierHuman.com
The best and most important course of action would be to practice forgiveness. As an imperfect human being, it is important to remember that there is no way to control the thoughts or actions of another. Therefore, we must be open to outside perceptions and forgive that which is not understood in our own personal universe. It is also important to remember that, as an imperfect human being, we must forgive ourselves.
Forgiveness helps with the idea of regret. The past cannot be changed, but it can be a stepping-stone and a learning curve for the betterment of the future!
#2 - Boundaries
CoachingOutoftheBox.com
An important habit to work on is setting boundaries, both personally and professionally. Understanding the difference between a need and a want is amongst the very first steps to setting valuable boundaries.
In order to do this successfully, we have a responsibility to get to know ourselves (who is the true you?). Removing the materialism of the world, what do you really need in your life? And, what do you really want? Or for now, what do you think you want? Is it something you can supply to yourself? How and why? Is it something you believe must come from an outer source? How and why?
It is important to remember that our boundaries protect us from unwanted turmoil, but they also have potential to mentally prepare us for the unforeseen.
"Not everybody has a mental illness, but we all have mental health."
– Self-Love Rainbow
Mind.help
"Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth."
- Brain & Behavior Research Foundation
#3 - Honesty
4CornersCommunityCollective.ca
One of the most important courses of action is to remain honest with oneself, even when it opens the eyes to an unlikeable and unwanted possibility. Our ability to be honest with ourselves is our lifeline to protection from outside judgement and criticism. If you have the ability to look in the mirror and speak honestly to the heart and the mind, daily, then nobody and nothing will be able to move your spirit or effect your peace. This does not mean there will be no conflict in your life. Yet, this means that when faced with a conflicting or confrontational situation or event, you will not faulter to deflection, nor will you be easily offended by the perception of others.
It is important to remember that the mind is the most powerful epicenter of the body, beyond the heart. Maintaining the balance between the two is the key to all happiness and inner peace.
#4 - Live Intentional
AZMagazine.co.uk
Another important habit to work on is to be intentional in day-to-day actions and routines. What makes you tick? What will make you smile today?
For me? My children make me tick! So, my ability to be the best me I can be, for them, is my biggest push toward positive self-awareness and love. My garden is my safe-haven, which helps me to rejuvenate my mental state, daily.
Do you have a focal point for self-motivation? Do you have a safe-haven for mental rejuvenation? Is your daily intent to leave a positive imprint in the world? Or, for a positive imprint in your community? Or, for a positive imprint in your household? (remember, it's okay to start small).
It is important to remember that when your intent is genuine, positive perception does not necessarily have to be instant. In fact, the benefit is usually long-term, whether or not the receiver identifies you as the light is not for you to dwell on. Rather, your peace comes from knowing that your intentions were genuine and the positive imprint is eternal.
#5 - Romance
Etsy.com
Another extremely important course of action would be to practice romancing self. This is not for the expectation of another to pick up where you end up leaving off (if you’re single). This is a mental vacation, that may include some sensual TLC, every week.
Call it a wine night, a favorite book day, a movie night, whatever suites you and your hobbies or interests. This is ME time! Everybody can benefit from it and nobody has to feel guilty about it. Make a promise to yourself and have a discussion with your spouse or significant other, if necessary.
It is important to remember that there is no way to add genuine value to another’s life and being if you are incapable of adding true unmaterialistic value to yourself.
Complete Beauty Solution's Self-Love Efforts
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We would also like to invite you to explore yourself with a one-on-one coaching session. Sometimes, it’s’ easier to get things off the chest when we have a mediator readily available to assist us with an action plan.
Looking through the reflection in the mirror may prove to be a challenging task for some. Especially, if an individual has spent many years hiding from that true reflection. It does not take a stranger to see you, when you are fully aware of who you are and who you want to be. The fact is, we are all works in progress! Everybody’s progress is different, as is everybody’s journey to individual success. This is true and necessary, because as individuals, it is in our nature to thrive off the community, which includes the colorfulness thereof.
Remember, Spreading Love is the Bi-Product of Self-Love!